40 Best Dad Jokes awful !

  • Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
  • What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
  • How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
  • Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
  • I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.
  • Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  • How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.
  • Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
  • What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
  • Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
  • Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  • Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
  • Ill call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad.
  • What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant
  • Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
  • What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
  • Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
  • What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
  • I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
  • The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
  • Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn’t know it was on fire.
  • This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
  • Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, “No, just leave it in the carton!”
  • 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
  • Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?”
  • What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
  • What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
  • I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
  • To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide but you can’t run.
  • The rotation of earth really makes my day.
  • I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts
  • What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
  • I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!
  • Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.
  • A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.
  • I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
  • Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
  • I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
  • People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.

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