fbpx
Categories: JokesQuotes

FUNNY LIFE QUOTES (SOME WILL SURPRISE YOU)

funny

Loading...

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. Charles Bukowski

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand. Kurt Vonnegut

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Charles Schulz

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer. Ellen DeGeneres

All generalizations are false, including this one. Mark Twain

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear. Mark Twain

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. Cathy Guisewite

Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something. William Goldman

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often. Oliver Herford

I can resist everything except temptation. Oscar Wilde

The planet is fine. The people are fucked. George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin

I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Douglas Adams

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. Laurell K. Hamilton

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Robert A Heinlein

If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. Rodney Dangerfield

funny

Recent Posts

How to Be Funny – Easy Steps with Sample Jokes

How to Be Funny – Easy Steps with Sample Jokes

How to Be Funny Easy Steps with Sample Jokes Humor can help you connect with other people and make unpleasant… Read More

2 weeks ago
A Mother in Florida Faces Up to 30 Years in Jail After Recording Daughter Licking Tongue Depressor at Doctor’s Office Putting it Back

A Mother in Florida Faces Up to 30 Years in Jail After Recording Daughter Licking Tongue Depressor at Doctor’s Office Putting it Back

A mother in Florida could face up to 30 years in prison after she recorded and posted a video of… Read More

1 month ago
Lolita Express Air Hostess Details What Epstein’s Infamous Flights Were Like

Lolita Express Air Hostess Details What Epstein’s Infamous Flights Were Like

Last week, billionaire and registered sex offender Jeffrey Epstein was taken into custody over new sex trafficking charges in New… Read More

1 month ago
20 Facts You Never Knew About Conjoined Twins Brittany And Abby 2019

20 Facts You Never Knew About Conjoined Twins Brittany And Abby 2019

For anyone who does not know who Abby and Brittany Hensel are, they are a set of conjoined twins that… Read More

1 month ago
The Best 18 Comedy Movies of 2019

The Best 18 Comedy Movies of 2019

The Best Comedy Movies to Make You Laugh All the Way Through 2019 Real life can be, well, a lot.… Read More

1 month ago
10 year old boy separated from family in wilderness gets out alive

10 year old boy separated from family in wilderness gets out alive

The things that children play with and how they entertain themselves throughout history have varied greatly. In recent times, children… Read More

1 month ago
close

Log In

Forgot password?

Forgot password?

Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password.

Your password reset link appears to be invalid or expired.

Log in

Privacy Policy

To use social login you have to agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website. %privacy_policy%

Add to Collection

No Collections

Here you'll find all collections you've created before.